


Galahad

by MHMoony



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Missing Scene, Post-Kingsman: The Secret Service, Pre-Kingsman: The Golden Circle, literally just angst, this is filled with a lot of pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 13:56:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12632454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MHMoony/pseuds/MHMoony
Summary: "You're not here, you're not real.""What are you talking about, I'm right here, mate.""No, you're not, you're not Harry."---Eggsy can't sleep and finds himself at the Kingsman estate. Merlin is wide awake and seeing ghosts.





	Galahad

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the prompt: after harry died eggsy can't stand to be in harry's house and therefore decides to move into HQ for a while. there he encounters merlin, sleepless and black out drunk at 4 am. merlin doesn't recognise eggsy and thinks he is hallucinating/dreaming of Harry. the scene that follows reveals to eggsy the exact nature of harry's and merlin's relationship.

Eggsy couldn’t stand it. He knew Merlin was being kind, offering Harry’s house like that to him. _It’s what he would’ve wanted_ , he said. But now, first night sleeping in the home abandoned by his mentor and friend, all Eggsy wanted to do was leave. It didn’t feel right. Merlin gave his blessing to live there, but Harry didn’t, and it was his house, after all.

Three weeks had passed since V-Day, two weeks since Merlin gave him Harry’s house keys, and one week since Roxy and his mum began helping clear out Harry’s belongings. Except the downstairs bathroom, he insisted. Mr. Pickle and the butterflies stayed. And now, one week later, and Eggsy couldn’t find it in himself to close his eyes and just go _the fuck_ to sleep. After another twenty minutes of tossing and turning, Eggsy got out of bed and called a Kingsman cab to pick him up—there was no way in hell he was staying in this dead man’s home any longer. He changed into his now usual bespoke suit—the one Harry had made for him (he always felt as though he had to suit up before heading to Kingsman, it just didn’t feel right anymore going there in streetclothes)—and gently placed his glasses on the bridge of his nose before whistling for JB to follow him (which the pug did immediately). Grabbing everything he needed, he walked outside and turned on the security system before getting into the already waiting cab with JB at his side.

“To the shop, please.”

The driver—Adam—nodded and drove off. Eggsy sighed and rested his head against the side of the car, allowing the bumpiness of the roads jostle his head a bit.

He still couldn’t believe that Harry was gone. It happened so fast. First arriving at the church, the mass chaos of the massacre that followed, and the subsequent bullet that Eggsy watched come flying towards his face. He remembered letting out a blood curtling scream and slamming the laptop closed, confused and horrified at what he had to witness. Harry Hart doesn’t just _die_ , and if he did, it wasn’t face to face with a megalomaniac with an aversion to blood and violence. He’d only known the man for a few months, but Eggsy felt as though he’d known him for a lifetime. Harry pushed him to his greatest potential, taught him what it actually was to be a man, guided him as he learned what Kingsman was truly about.

Except for that brief respite when he was in a coma, of course. Eggsy was surprised that Merlin had stepped up as a sort of pseudo-mentor to him during that month without their then-Agent Galahad. It was a far cry from the hardened man that threatened them with death within the first five minutes of being in each other’s acquaintance, and definitely different from the trainer who laughed in their earpieces as the recruits were falling through the sky and feared for the missing parachute.

The whole mess of V-Day gave Eggsy an entirely new found admiration for Kingsman’s beloved quartermaster. With Chester King gone, Merlin took it upon himself to act in the role of Arthur as he began combing through which agents (that were left, of course) would suit the job best, along with handling three new Knight Trials at the same time. It made Eggsy wonder if the man ever slept, and a part of him guessed that he really didn’t.

Adam pulled up in front of the shop and Eggsy gave a sigh of relief. It amazed him how the sight of a posh tailor shop could give him such a sense of calm and reassurance. He thanked his driver profusely for indulging in his request at such a late hour, grabbed JB, and headed inside. Once behind the wooden doors, he closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Oak, just the barest hint of scotch, and the familiar scent of Kinsman’s specially made fabric engulfed his senses, giving Eggsy the feeling of home.

He made his way into dressing room one and placed his hand on the mirror. As the floor began its slow descent into the tube system, his mind flew back to that day so long ago.

_Well, you’re full of surprises. Yes, like in ‘My Fair Lady.’_

Eggsy could barely remember who that person was anymore, asking Harry what the fuck was going on. Although Roxy and Merlin routinely told him that it was the fact he hadn’t changed himself at all was what made him true Kingsman material, Eggsy thought he’d become somewhat of a different person since Harry Hart released him from jail.

The lift landed and Eggsy and JB made their way into the waiting train, situating themselves before it rocketed off towards the estate. He relaxed into his seat and closed his eyes, knowing that they’d be at HQ in no time at all. He wondered if Roxy was still staying at the estate while she looked for her own flat in London. She had talked about possibly moving in with her Uncle Percy so he wouldn’t be alone with the former Lancelot gone, but was still on the fence about it.

Eggsy felt the train begin to slow and looked over at JB snoring next to his feet. He gently nudged the pug as the train stopped and opened its doors.

Finally, he thought walking out and into the now well-known and welcoming walls of the Kingsman estate. Between Harry’s house and the recently vacant apartment his mum and Daisy used to occupy, this grand structure felt more like home than either of them.

He made his way into his quarters where JB quickly situated himself on his dog bed and promptly fell asleep. Eggsy looked at his own bed and found he still didn’t want to sleep. Looking at his watch, he groaned and dragged his hands across his face. 3:37am. He sighed and left the room, quietly closing his door, and headed to the kitchens. Maybe a cuppa would help settle his wired mind.

Walking down the hall, Eggsy was confused to see a sliver of yellow light peak out of the ajar library door. He slowly opened the door and was surprised to see Merlin sitting on one of the regal couches in front of the fireplace.

Sprawled was perhaps a better choice of word.

His ever present jumper was discarded unceremoniously on the floor and his tie hung loosely around his neck. His white oxford shirt was partly untucked and wrinkled with the sleeves haphazardly shoved up to his elbows, not even folded. An abandoned and empty tumbler was tipped on the floor and a mostly empty decanter was clutched in one of his hands.

This was a Merlin he had never seen before.

“Merlin?” Eggsy called cautiously as he slowly made his way over to him.

Merlin looked up at him, his head slightly bobbing up and down. As he took him in, a pained expression painted across his face, and he brought hands to cover his eyes, one hand still cradling the bottle.

“Please, go away,” he moaned.

“Merlin, bruv, it’s alright.” Eggsy held his hands up to Merlin, not knowing what to do. This wasn’t part of their training, learning how to deal with an emotionally drunk quartermaster.

“You’re not _here_ ,” he continued behind his hands as though he hadn’t heard Eggsy. "You're not _real_."

Eggsy looked at him perplexed. “What are you talking about, I’m right here, mate.”

“No, you’re not, _you’re not Harry_.”

Eggsy felt his heart stop as he stared wide eyed at Merlin. He was drunk, obviously, but this was more than just dealing with a sloshed up friend. Merlin and Harry had known each other for years, after all, so of course Merlin would feel the loss of his friend hard.

Merlin lowered his hands as his glazed eyes took Eggsy in. “Why do you keep coming back here?” he slurred. “To torture me? I thought leaving that blasted house meant you’d stop following me.”

Eggsy had never been more confused in his life, and he’d experienced more than enough moments that raised eyebrows over the past half year. Merlin was bringing up unknown territory that Eggsy was sure, had he been sober, the man would never openly speak about.

“Look, Merlin—”

“I should’ve saved you.” Merlin’s demeanor quickly changed from angry to anguished. “I promised to always bring you back home, to bring you back to me. And I couldn’t even fucking do that. But _you_ promised that you wouldn’t leave me. You _promised_ , you bastard, and _you left me_.”

He shoved his hand in his pocket and threw a small velvet box on the ground, and Eggsy felt his heart stop.

"And now what am I supposed to do with _those_ fucking things?"

And suddenly, something clicked. Harry and Merlin’s entire relationship had a whole new meaning. He replayed every single moment he could remember witnessing between them, every inflection in every word, and every smallest touch that the two shared.

They were more than just friends.

But why hadn’t they told him? Either of them?

Merlin stared at Eggsy with wild eyes before he broke. He dropped the near empty decanter to the floor and crumbled, burying his face in his hands as his body wracked with sobs.

Eggsy looked around the room in alarm, not knowing what to do. Merlin was breaking down in front of him, baring his soul to what he thought was a ghost, and Eggsy had no clue how he could help.

“Merlin,” Eggsy started desperately, “please, come on, bruv, you gotta—”

“ _You’re not Harry_ ,” he choked out. “I just want _Harry_.”

Eggsy had never seen a man so broken before, and it was killing him that he felt out of control without any way to ease Merlin’s pain. Slowly, he went to sit down next to Merlin and put a gentle hand on his back.

“I want Harry back, too, bruv,” Eggsy whispered.

Merlin leaned into Eggsy as he cried, and Eggsy in turn kept a firm arm around him. Eventually, Merlin’s tears subsided and he passed out, having cried himself to sleep. Eggsy carefully maneuvered so the taller man could lie on the couch with one of the throw pillows securely supporting his head. He took the afghan that had fallen on the floor and draped it cross Merlin’s long frame before picking up the forgotten glass and decanter and placing them on an end table. The abandoned ring box lay on the ground, and Eggsy picked it up, storing it in his pocket to give to Merlin tomorrow. Eggsy looked at the completely worn out, broken shell of a man.

Was this the first time this happened? Or was it something that Merlin regularly partook in since Harry died? Merlin had asked Harry in his drunken state why he kept coming back here. The fact that Merlin had been routinely hallucinating Harry left an unpleasant feeling in Eggsy’s stomach. He’d have to talk to Roxy about that. Merlin had taken care of them so many times, maybe it was time to repay the man who had quickly taken over yet another father figure role in Eggsy’s life.

As he left Merlin to sleep peacefully, Eggsy made his way back to his own quarters. His heart hurt. He had never known, but then again, they were spies. Living their lives in the highest form of discretion was second nature to them, and if Harry and Merlin were together for as long as Eggsy suspected, then they most certainly had to have had practice in being surreptitious about their relationship. But was it secret because they made that decision, or was it yet another old fashioned unspoken rule because they just happened to be two men in love?

That unpleasant feeling only doubled at that thought.

Eggsy made to his room, closed the door, placed the small box in the drawer of his nightstand, peeled off his suit, and flopped on his bed. The sun was beginning to creep past the horizon, and he closed his eyes.

Thoughts of Merlin and Harry and Merlin in that library kept floating through his mind. Merlin hadn’t just given him the keys to Harry’s house, he’d given him the keys to _their_ house because Harry’s ghost kept on haunting him in their home. He gave their house to Eggsy so he could escape. The fact only made Eggsy’s chest tighten. He remembered Merlin’s words during the Lancelot trials that felt like a lifetime ago.

_Teamwork is paramount here at Kingsman._

And teamwork, Eggsy thought, meant taking care of each other.


End file.
